


Every Night I Dream (Of You)

by risquetendencies



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Love Triangles, M/M, Past Lives, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-06 02:25:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4204443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/risquetendencies/pseuds/risquetendencies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone knows that at the end of one life, you must decide whether you or your soul mate will keep your memories of that lifetime in the next. Nebuya's held on tightly to his memories for years now, and has had the misfortune of watching his mate remaking each with someone other than him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Night I Dream (Of You)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stephanericher](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stephanericher/gifts).



Week to week, the conversations he had with his friends never changed much. Different small topics might crop up, but without fail, Eikichi could expect several to consistently make an appearance.

Hayama would clamor on about the new stunt he'd mastered on his skateboard, he'd try to cajole him into videotaping him the next time, and challenge him to an arm wrestling match even though he'd never won once. Mibuchi would balk at the same stories, lecturing the blond about wearing his protective gear, and screech at Nebuya for accepting the challenge. Eikichi didn't particularly mind. He'd long since grown immune to such scolding, and besides, he could never turn down a test of strength.

"Kou-chan, housing applications for next semester are due in a week."

Glancing up, he was faced with a tray of baked goods, piping hot from the oven. Ignoring the argument brewing, he reached out to claim one of the  _pain au chocolat_ , shoving it up to his mouth with relish. It was cheat day after all.

"Hmm, and why's that so important?" Kotarou tilted his head to one side curiously, accepting the cinnamon roll pushed his way.

"Because, we want you living in this dorm then!" Reo chimed, reiterating the same argument they'd been having since the three of them had left for university. "There's no reason you have to live off-campus, it's not even convenient! If you lived here, you could sleep in more, and be close to your classes...."

"Nah, it'd be kinda hard to get a dorm I could share with Miyaji-san. I don't think they let you choose that stuff."

"They do not, but that's perfectly all right. You could stand to spend some time away from him. It's not as if you're married, be free now and then," the raven recited huffily, setting the tray on the coffee table in front of them before daintily seating himself in the embrace of an armchair. Eikichi's eyes swept over the slight frown distorting his features before darting back to his companion's oblivious expression. Inwardly, he shrugged. This topic was a stalemate before and would continue to be in the future.

Kotarou shifted restlessly at his side, pulling his legs up onto the sofa to cross beneath him. He exchanged the roll in his hands for his drink, downing a third of it in one lengthy gulp before he next spoke.

"Anyway, Reo-nee, this place won't even let me go at full speed! I don't like it. The apartment we're at doesn't care."

"I know you like to run around, but you should care more about your stamina. You have unlimited speed, not unlimited energy. It would be good to have some limits. Look at Ei-chan. He at least works out to give himself better control over his powers. You're going to run yourself into the ground the way you're going, Kou-chan."

"I'm fine!" Kotarou declared. "I can control it whenever I want."

The raven sighed in a long-suffering manner, taking a small sip of his tea. The cup he held with both palms, fingers lacing around the cup's surface to let the warmth of the liquid soak through to his skin.

"I don't understand how you can be so sure about that boy," he prefaced, violets narrowing with remembered disdain. "The way he acts sometimes, it's as if he hates being with you. When we had dinner that one time, he was positively sullen the entire night. How again is he 'the one'?"

The blond frowned, recoiling slightly into the sofa's cushions while he pondered an answer to the inquiry. His eyes closed briefly, face scrunched with concentration. 

"I dunno why, but he is," Hayama answered at length. "I like him and wanna be around him, and that's it. He's really cute, and sexy-"

"All right, enough." Mibuchi coughed abruptly, cutting off the train of adjectives spewing from their comrade's mouth. "That's all very nice, but I don't see it. It's not as though you know  _for sure_ , though, correct?"

Immediately, Nebuya's brows furrowed, the tone of his response hinting at what direction the discussion would swerve into next. If he was right, then it was one that would put him a bad mood from the very outset. Each and every time the topic was brought up, Eikichi couldn't help but get frustrated, knowing the facts of his own situation, and how there was little to nothing he could do to change it. By the time he'd realized his feelings, it'd already been impossible.

"You're not going to bring up that story again, are you?" he grumbled finally, turning to face Mibuchi head on.

"It's highly relevant," Reo supplied, replacing his cup on the table in between the three of them. "Since we know that Kou-chan doesn't have  _those_ , he has no reason to believe this boy is worth pursuing."

' _And what about you then?'_ he felt like saying, the anger faintly crackling in the backdrop of his mind urging him on. But he wouldn't. Unlike some people, Eikichi had a mind not to get drawn into arguments that would only be fruitless, and better yet, only end up wounding him. 

Nearly dropping his cinnamon roll, Hayama bounced in place, ignoring the disapproving glance he was thrown from the male beside him.

"Tell me again, I wanna hear! I didn't totally listen when we did it in school... so..."

"Why am I not surprised? Ugh, well," the raven began, palms spread wonderingly. He looked for all the world like a conductor at the beginning of a show, making his opening gestures before the music commenced, and Nebuya thought to himself that Mibuchi was more likely pretending to be put off than he was actually annoyed. If there was one thing the guy liked, it was giving a rousing performance. 

"You know that everyone has one special person whom they're fated to be with, their 'soul mate,' right?"

"Just one?"

"Presumably," Reo answered abidingly, whisking his hand against the blond's head to prevent him from leaning in any closer. As the tale had begun, Kotarou had pitched forward and effectively broken the two-foot radius their friend preferred to have at all times. "Maybe there are some people who have more, I wouldn't know. One is enough for me, that's all I'm sure of. I don't like sharing."

Struck by the observation, he retreated inward for a moment, considering the possibility.  _'More than one would be good... unless that means it would be the three of us together_ ,' he mused, recoiling at the mental image his brain conjured up of a nude Akashi. If he ever needed to kill his libido, then that'd do wonders, but otherwise he'd prefer to shove it into the recesses of his mind, never to be seen again. 

Repulsed, cerulean irises drifted across the room, gratefully soaking in the sunken lines decorating the other man's clavicle, slowly traveling upward to where inky locks framed the curve of his jaw. A little further, and he was staring right into Reo's eyes, which were now glancing at him oddly.

Eikichi sat up reflexively, busying himself once more in consuming some of the pastries laid out before them. He really had to pay more attention sometimes, he knew, but wasn't he entitled to looking? After all, he already knew who his soul mate was. It was a done deal... just as soon as he could clue the guy in on it, that was.

"Anyhow, everyone has a soul mate that they've been together with in their past lives. Though we may look different from life to life, our spirits are essentially the same, so whoever was right for you will be so again, if you're lucky enough to find each other. The problem is recognizing that person when they turn up in your life."

Casting his gaze to the side, he watched Hayama listening intently to their friend's tale.

Frowning, he bit a chunk off of his pastry, chewing slowly as he tried to think of something other than the words that were burning their way through his head. At times like this, Eikichi wasn't sure how much longer he could hold out.

It wasn't in his nature to keep anything bottled inside; he preferred to face things head on and get over them quickly. If Mibuchi hadn't been such a close friend, he might very well have drifted apart from the man over time and hoped that he'd forget him. It would’ve been less painful.

"After all, only one person in every pair will remember who their soul mate is. At the end of every lifetime, when we die, a choice has to be made. Only one of you can carry the memories of that life into the next, and so on. For the most part, I imagine the same person ends up with them every time, so that nothing is ever lost over a change in ownership."

There was then a lapse, the raven pausing to temporarily look conflicted. His fingers skated over the armrest of his chair, tapping slowly against the fabric as he mutely ran through the rest of what he wished to impart. As he did so, Eikichi errantly wondered if that was true in their case. Based on the volume of memories he'd received, it very well could be.

"So when the two of you meet, the one with those memories will be able to recognize the other. From there, they can do with that knowledge what they will."

"Gotcha!"Kotarou's eyes lit up at the tale's end, lips splitting into a wide grin. 

"And what would you choose in that situation, Kou-chan? Wouldn't you want to keep those thoughts for yourself?" Reo prompted, his expression brimming with preemptive satisfaction. 

"Hmm, that's super hard..." he scooted forward on the couch, rocking on his heels as he quickly debated the matter. "But I think I'd let Miyaji-san keep them. I can always find him again the next time, I'm sure of it!"

Reo gaped at him, disbelief flashing in his turquoise orbs before it was quickly replaced with annoyance. A vein protruded from his forehead, his eyes closing momentarily before slowly opening, a tight smile on his face as he once more turned his attention back to the oblivious blond.

“Kou-chan, perhaps you should rethink what you have in mind.”

Peering over at the now irritated ringleader of their group, Nebuya heaved an inaudible sigh.

He paused in his musing, his thoughts wandering to when they had first met. They'd been insufferable to each other in the beginning, and he'd seemingly offended the shooter's sensibilities with every breath he took. In fact, he acted as though he was higher than him, especially when his eating habits constantly revolted him.

It was no big secret that he thought Eikichi was crass, and like with anything he disliked, Mibuchi tended to either complain incessantly or pointedly ignore him, even if they were practicing side by side.

Nebuya had never thought of himself as the sensitive type, and he'd brushed the larger share of those slights off, but something had nagged at him even so, making him wonder why he was so damned determined not to be written off. It was unlike him, and there seemed to be no good reason for him to feel that way.

In the end, time proved the cure for both problems. As the days of high school flew by, he'd somehow gained Reo's tolerance, and his friendship as well. Eikichi couldn't say they had similar interests, but on many an occasion he'd proved himself as good a listener as the raven was a conversationalist. That, and a few other things were the glue in their bond. The second part of his conundrum revealed itself more gradually.

Honestly, it had probably begun the first week of freshman year, but sussing the big picture was a task riddled with roadblocks.

Strange dreams, when had infrequently, could be explained away. He could chalk it up to his brain doing strange mental exercises, or him having thought of something before bed that got incredibly muddled once he fell asleep. Connecting the dots wasn't really Eikichi's forte, anyway.

For weeks, he'd dreamt of a faceless other by his side, laughing, holding his hand, and twisted up with him in the sheets. Many different years and scenarios, as far as he could tell, but though his mystery dream-crasher changed every time, there was no mistaking him. Or her, as it had been now and then. Weird as it was, there had been a time or two for him like that. Peering at himself in so many iterations had been potentially the strangest part of the ordeal. But he'd always known it was him, and he'd always known the one he'd loved to be the same person, no matter what.

What was constant however was what he was left with when he woke up, sometimes still and content, exiting some pleasant rendezvous, and other times grasping at whatever of the bed he could get his hands on, reeling from something less halcyon. Whatever the case, those lingering senses inevitably faded away, leaving him with only a longing in his chest and a headache no medicine could ever hope to soothe.

Until one night when everything clicked. Their teamwork was at its most close-knit, highest level of functioning that game, and though victory was nothing new, that particular one felt damned good. It was about the time when Mibuchi had stopped chastising him about the amount he ate or the hours outside practice he spent honing his physique, and had started shoving sweets or a clean towel his way, telling him that moderation was better for him.

They'd recently limped through midterm exams too, swapping notes for the classes they knew best and breathing a collective sigh of relief when they'd passed, dragging Kotarou through the trenches with them somehow. 

Then that game had happened, and it had all come together. Afterward, the raven had glanced his way, even the faint smugness that came with winning dazzling to Eikichi's eyes, and spoken.

"Good game, Ei-chan."

It was almost nothing, an incredibly insignificant line if it hadn't been the first time he'd been called by that name. Acknowledged as more than some faceless team member, but a true comrade, a friend. How cosmically fitting it was then that same night when he was lying in bed that other things materialized as well. He'd gained his figurative face, and the lover in his dreams gained a literal one.

It would have been seamless if only the next day hadn't been the one when Mibuchi had pulled him aside after classes and told him that he had a date with their captain that weekend - finally! Eikichi could remember how dry his mouth had gotten, and how stupidly he'd blurted out, "Why tell me?" He'd been graced with a knowing look full of ironic ignorance, and the other had soon explained, "Because you already knew I liked him, and we're friends, aren't we?"

The stupidest facet of it all had definitely been the way he'd momentarily been thrilled at hearing the latter words. Friends. It was a glorified consolation prize, but he'd learned to live with that by now.

"Well what about you then?" Casting the raven a toothy grin, Kotarou reassembled himself once more on the couch, perched for an answer.

Temporarily mollified, Mibuchi's face shifted to one of open confusion.

For all he'd had to say about the legend on previous occasions, in that moment Eikichi wondered if he had ever considered it for himself. Not that it really mattered, considering he wouldn't have known who to look to, but he did wonder. Obviously  _he_  knew that Akashi didn't have memories of the two of them, so how had those two guys even dated this long? Was his friend going with the flow, content enough not to ask if his lover had them or not?

“Well," Reo murmured, running his hand up to brush aside a stray lock of his hair, "I suppose I would keep them." He gave a funny little laugh, and to a keen ear, it shook, the mirth of it never reaching the man's gaze. "After all, Sei-chan isn't that romantic. I'd probably... enjoy them more, you could say."

"Ei-chan."

The greeting tugged his awareness back to the present, Nebuya raising his head to indicate he was listening. Waxing sentimental always made him a bit subdued, but he could still attempt to contribute.

"Your response, please?" Reo's inquiry was transparent, and in an instant he caught on to what he was trying to accomplish. The only real question was, did he play it straight, or go out of his way to seem of an opposing viewpoint?

There had never been any good answers to any of his problems though, so he wasn't about to wait and hope there would be one now. Settling back into his seat for what felt like the long haul, Eikichi prepared to give his answer, ruing deep within his heart the fact that the universe appeared to hate him. 

The dreams hadn't made it clear why that would be, conveniently enough.

 

* * *

 

Sometimes working out was the only way you could work  _through_  something.

That had always been Nebuya's theory, and unfortunately it was proving fairly ineffective currently. No matter how much he sweated or how many times he pushed past the strain of each repetition, mental relief never set in.

If anything, the frustration he felt was a blockade, disrupting his usual rhythm and causing him to make stupid, yet potentially costly mistakes. Eikichi's body was a temple, and he maintained it as carefully as he could.

A person had nothing but their health, which for the most part they were in complete control over. For his part, he kept faithful to a regimen of regular exercise and wise culinary decisions, but from the time he'd woken up that morning, he'd known that he wouldn't have the willpower (or the attention span) he might have on a normal day.

Last night he'd had another of those dreams. The ones that were a window into his past, or at least the past he'd shared with his lover, once.

He'd been the proud single father of a daughter, and the three of them had gone on a vacation in the summer, camping off somewhere to bask in the clement weather. Over the course of that trip, his lover had been in his element, planning out the days for them all, making sure they had sunscreen and bug spray and those essentials, and most importantly, bonding with his little girl.

For the him in that life, it was when he could really say he fell completely in love, and from what he'd gleaned, it had been a pivotal moment in their relationship. They'd moved in together soon after, and from there, everything went quick.

In this go round, however, that kind of luck tended to run screaming from him. Life wasn't that kind, or simple.

Despite the deluge of memories he'd received over the years, there were some key things he hadn't yet been shown.

For example, Eikichi had never really seen anything like when they first got together. All of the scenes he'd been privy to took place after they were already a couple, and he couldn't help but smart from the frustration. They were in no position to make that leap now, and if the day ever came that they were, he had no idea how he'd woo Mibuchi to his side.

The relationship the raven was in now was something he'd pursued himself - he wasn't the one being courted. How did it work then, if the roles were reversed?

Eikichi was fairly certain it would have to be that way, because if Reo had ever had that sort of interest in him before, he would have known. He wasn't shy about showing it, as evidenced by his behavior when Akashi had joined their ranks. The year prior, it had been daunting enough just for them to become friends. He knew that was all he saw them as.

It wasn't that he didn't treasure the friendship they had now, in fact, he was glad to know they had a solid relationship after all the hardships it had taken just for them to become friends. Despite how much simpler it might make life to not be close, Eikichi was glad for having that much of the man to himself.

But given the events recently, his growing feelings about the whole ordeal, and the fact he was struggling to hide the whole matter from the raven, suddenly being good friends created more issues than he'd ever pictured. Throw in the whole relationship with Akashi along with Mibuchi's feelings, and there was a major storm looming.

After all, Reo had no clue how hard it was for him to hear stories about another guy making him happy. He’d once tried to insinuate that he’d rather not hear the more gory details, but the raven had only taken that as him being too proper, and had commenced in trying to make him blush with the things he’d share.

Over time, Eikichi had given up on the notion of making him understand – it just wouldn’t make sense why he didn’t want to hear about it unless he up and confessed already.

On countless occasions he'd wondered if it wouldn't feel better to clear the air by doing so. The only problem with that idea was what kind of side effects it might induce **.**  Best case scenario, Reo would hear him out and accept it, and they could continue being friends, just maybe with him hearing fewer tales about date nights with Akashi. Worst case scenario, he'd end up grossing him out, or upsetting him in some way to where their friendship wouldn't survive.

That was what Eikichi dreaded, and he didn't know how possible that was to happen. In neither of his simulations did he expect to win the man over. Which raised the question - was it worth the trouble confessing would mean just to have those feelings off his chest? Worth potentially losing any connection he retained to his soul mate?

Pausing outside the dormitory's front entrance, Eikichi leant his bulk against the wall, hesitant to go in. Regardless of what he decided, there was another obstacle he knew he would have to face, and to his dismay, it would occur within mere hours.

Throughout the past few years, his dreams hadn't always stayed confined to when he was asleep. Most of those phantasms had been reimagined right before his waking eyes, and the experience was anything but euphoric for him. Not when they involved another guy usurping his place.

Looking at things in the most detached sense he could muster this far along, he supposed it was coincidence. Couples had existed since the dawn of time, and even as the world changed, a lot of the hallmarks of a relationship largely remained the same. Going on a first date, the exultation of the first kiss - all the odds and ends of a typical new relationship - were nothing extraordinary, viewed in that light. Yet he couldn't help but cringe at the realization that he was regularly seeing an imitation of what should have been his scene, and his scene alone, played out by the wrong actor.

Every time he'd stewed over it though, it had only inspired another question to spring to mind. One that was absolutely vital moving forward.

Was he offended merely because they'd been soul mates in their past lives, or because he really was in love with Mibuchi? He could ask that about all of it **.**  It wasn't as if it had been love at first sight. By the time he'd grown territorial and started pining for the man, he'd been having dreams of them for months. It was genuinely hard to say where one emotion began and another ended when Eikichi thought about him. 

And unless the fates decided to mercifully gift him with some sort of epiphany, he probably wouldn't ever know which it was.

Hefting his gym bag back over his shoulder, he strode into the building at a shuffle. This afternoon was going to be a headache and a half, and the only thing he was looking forward to was dinner when that rolled around. Following that was some homework and then maybe he'd turn in early. Given what he knew was coming, he'd made it a point not to plan out his day too strictly.

Nebuya's floor was respectably quiet as he traversed the common area, the usual cacophony starting up only when he started down the row of doors. Never too loud, just present was how he'd describe it.

His dorm was near the end of the hall, the second to last of the doors on the left side. Out of routine, his gaze flickered across the pathway to the final door on the right. It was cracked open, causing him to raise an eyebrow and reference his watch.  _13:07_. Rather early for someone coming back from a vacation, in his opinion.

Now curious enough to wonder, but simultaneously too wise to read into it, Eikichi continued into his own room and went about stowing away his equipment. Tossing his used up clothes into the laundry hamper and his empty bag into the closet, he let his mind go blank.

Once sufficiently numb, he stood, debating whether to stall any longer. As he did, an item out of the corner of his eyes claimed his attention.

Eikichi picked the notebook up off his desk and fanned through the pages for a few more moments, recording the precise, compact letters. ' _Well, at least with this,_ ' he thought without the least bit of enthusiasm, ' _I have a reason for going over there._ '

Five minutes later found him pushing the door open on his way inside. Knocking wasn't really his thing, and though Mibuchi would often scold him about it, they both knew Eikichi wasn't likely to take it into account. As friends, at the very least, and neighbors, he didn't see the point. Besides, the thing was already half open. It wasn't as if he'd pried the lock. In any event, the sooner he got through this ordeal, the better.

On cue, he received his customary greeting. Or a version of it.

A loud huff gusted his way, and then the raven swiveled to look at him fully, remarking, "You _do_  know how to knock, don't you?"

"It was open," he interjected evenly, cerulean orbs darting around the room to survey the scene. Luggage was spread out strategically throughout, the tops flopped open and clothes incredibly neatly folded and ready to be transferred to the dresser.

"I brought your notes. Uh... how was the trip?" Eikichi nudged himself to inquire, although it was the last thing he truly cared to listen to.

Reo simply rolled his eyes in response, a frown settling onto his pale lips.

"I'll tell you all about how it was," he began in a pinched tone, "Close the door and then come sit down. Tell me if I'm being crazy, or what, because I honestly feel like I am headed that way."

He wasted no time heeding the other's directions, sealing off the room and joining Mibuchi where he was perched on the edge of his bed. The only thing that was strange was the man's demeanor, as it was opposite of what Eikichi had anticipated after returning from his weekend getaway. If he had to describe it, he would have thought he'd be bubbly, gushing about some fresh romantic overture his lover had made, or chomping at the bit to show off photos from the stay. Not visibly annoyed like he appeared to be now.

"Did it suck or something?" he muttered as a suggestion, eying his friend curiously as he lowered himself onto the mattress.

"Gee, Ei-chan, you think?"

"I wasn't there."

Reo only sighed. "I know you weren't. But isn't it obvious? Ugh, I have no idea what's up with him lately. We've planned this trip for months, and he ends up being a total downer when we're actually on it."

"Akashi?"

"Yes him. I was trying to enjoy myself, but it's like he didn't want to relax at all. He was always on his phone or laptop, I had to drag him out to get anything done, and even then, he didn't give me his full attention even once."

Listening to his tirade, Eikichi couldn't help but feel a little upset himself. It was torture to hear Reo singing the redhead's praises whenever one of their dates went well, but at least on those occasions, he knew his mate was happy. Even if that wasn't with him, it still made him content, absurd as that statement sounded. But hearing the opposite was a different sort of torture, as he couldn't help but to compare himself to Akashi. 

If life had been kinder, he could have been the one at the raven's side, exploring new places and memorizing the cadence of his laugh. Eikichi would have made his joy a priority, rather than whatever idiotic tasks the guy had put above reveling in time spent with his lover.

Had he been in Akashi's place - and at one time he had been -  he would have devoted every second to the raven. Eikichi would take him the places he desired, assuring him that his eye or attention would never wander. It would be worth it to see a dazzling smile on his mate's face, and not the bitter expression he was currently donning. Reo was far too beautiful for such sadness, far too precious to be treated anything lower than a queen. After all, with how loving and tender he had been in their past life, and continued to be in this life, Reo deserved every ounce of it. And if Akashi wasn't up to the task, then he would be more than happy to fulfill that position.

But that currently wasn't an option. Nebuya continued to stare at the raven as he rambled on about his woes, only enhancing the urge to reach forward and sweep him into his embrace.  

"I guess I keep hoping that he's playing his cards close to his chest for some reason, and he'll tell me I'm not wrong somewhere down the road. I really, really want this to work out, Ei-chan. At least in this life that I know of, I've never felt this way about someone before. And it's not impossible. Many people refuse to say if the person they're with is their soul mate, or that they've gotten the memories. Maybe Sei-chan did, but he doesn't want to tell me."

As much as Eikichi doubted that, he'd be hard pressed to say the raven was wrong, if he didn't already know for certain that he was.

Where some people saw the cache of memories you'd receive of your past life as a blessing, others thought it was a burden. Some folks would withhold the information from their partner, whether they were their soul mate or not.

Either because they weren't and they didn't want to hurt their feelings or make it seem like they were doomed not to work out, or because they were and they wanted the relationship to play out naturally, without some higher reassurance that it would be successful. There were even the dishonest types who lied about having the recollections to sway someone into dating them who wouldn't have otherwise.

"You said you'd keep the memories though," he reminded him, tone gravelly as he weighed how far he could push things.

Honestly, he didn't want to let Mibuchiin on his secret. It would be better if he figured out on his own that Akashi wasn't hiding anything back about their relationship. That they weren't fated for each other, no matter how much Reo might like that to be the case. That, as subpar as he was, he was his actual soul mate.

"Maybe the me in a past life felt differently." 

With that, Reo let his form droop until he was laying on his back, glancing wistfully at the ceiling tiles above. His inky locks splayed out over the comforter, and lips parted to echo an inaudible sigh. Eikichi felt like it was the thousandth one he'd witnessed since he'd come to visit, and each and every one was compounding his worry. And creating more problems that he didn't need. This was far from the time for him to be thinking about pulling the guy into his arms, running his hands over his back until some of the negative feelings dispersed.

But he wanted to. Anything that seemed like it might give the one he loved some comfort sounded like a pretty good idea.

Normally, Reo was the one with a knack for knowing exactly what to do in any given situation, the advice maven. It was a trait that had helped him numerous times, and he pulled it off so flawlessly that frankly Eikichi was a bit envious he couldn't do the same, especially now.  

Then again, he wasn’t the type to take his own advice, nor accept it from others. Nebuya took a moment to inwardly roll his eyes. Unless of course it came from Akashi, for that was Reo’s Prince Charming, and everything about him was perfect. That guy reaped the benefits of all the double standards under the sun simply because Mibuchi doted on him.

And yet as he watched his mate reel with countless, puzzling thoughts, Eikichi wondered if there wasn't a course of action that might prove the answer to  _his_ troubles as well.

“If you’re so unsure,” he planned his words carefully, hoping this would play into his favor. “Why don’t you do your tarot thing, and see what that says?”

Reading the cards was his specialty, and though answers never came out of them literally, he'd never yet been wrong that Eikichi knew of. Reo had often bemoaned the fact that it wasn't the most practical power to have, yet he found it amazing himself. There was something more innate about it compared to his own strength, a talent pulled out of him with the turning of a few cards. Nothing he did had any effect on the future, but it felt like it did with how keenly the raven would hand down an assessment.

“Absolutely not.” Nebuya tried not to show his disappointment at the response. “I don’t like to do it for myself.”

There went his only chance up in flames. The one thing that he thought could save him from having to confess himself. But now there was no choice, not when Reo was having so many doubts about Akashi, not when he endured night after night of tortuous dreams about the man he'd spent countless lifetimes with. Something had to be done, before he cracked entirely, and foolish or not, he felt the time was now.

“Not to change topics, but I know something.” Eikichi settled down beside the raven on the bed, trying to brace himself for his speech. 

Reo turned his head, curious turquoise orbs staring directly into his blue ones, and making him curse under his breath at how close they were. Not that they'd never sat beside each other, or hugged in a moment of jubilation, but laying together like they were felt infinitely more intimate. They weren't touching, yet Eikichi could feel his presence all the same. It was always there inside his mind and heart, but now it was overwhelming, and him, oversensitive.

“About Sei-chan?”

He moved quickly to stymie the groan that emitted, covering it up by coughing in his hand. “No, not about Akashi. Nothing to do with him.”

Hadn’t he just said it was another topic? Nebuya sulked inwardly, trying to ignore the way his pulse beat so erratically when the raven looked at him. Why had it come to this? He was certain almost everyone he knew had an easier time gathering their soul mate than he was having. Probably because his was currently tied up with someone else, and it had to be someone who was flawless beyond comparison.

“I… uh…” he cleared his throat, trying to form the correct wording. “A couple years back, I met the guy I’m supposed to be with, and I started getting those dreams. You know, the ones you’re always talking about.”

As if with the flick of a wand, the topic of Akashi instantly faded. Reo’s eyes instead widened, a large grin lighting up his face as he placed a hand on Nebuya’s shoulder and tilted his head to the side.

“Oh my!” he giggled, “So, Ei-chan has a love interest? Why has it taken so long for me to meet them? You know you’ll have to bring them around so I can see if I approve of them! You deserve only the best.”

Eikichi cringed when he felt heat flood his cheeks. Not that he was ever the bashful type, but this  _was_ his soul mate complimenting him. Even if the man in question had yet to discover that role.

“It’syouyouidiot,” he mumbled, eager to spit out the confession to have it over and done with.

Reo blinked a few times, clearly puzzled, but then he chose to revert back to a mask of enthusiasm. “Oh, come on now, Ei-chan! Don’t be shy! Tell me who it is, I want to know! Are you two already going out?! Is it serious?”

“...You could try looking in the mirror.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Nebuya's heart thundered a warning knell, driving home the fact it wasn't the smoothest way he could have gone about things. Not even close. He had never intended on confessing so bluntly, but he had reached his limit. And though he was left with a sense of impending doom, at least the truth had finally been spoken, no matter how forward it may have been.

The raven’s grin drooped, a confused frown taking its place. He allowed the response to sink in, eyes losing their glow as his gaze shifted to where the larger male had grown quiet. His breathing had escalated by then, the only sounds throughout the area along with the beat of Eikichi's pulse across from him.

“I don’t find this funny.” His usual tone was calm, far too calm, and it held a sense of coldness. “Are you making fun of my problem with Sei-chan?”

Eikichi wasn’t sure if he was more enraged or flabbergasted, for once again the topic of Akashi had weaseled its way into something important.

“What? No! How the hell did you come to that conclusion? I’m telling you the truth. You’re my soul mate.”

Mibuchi was silent, his aura radiating with a mix of disbelief and anger. Did he really think he was toying with his feelings more about their former captain? Hell, forgetting Akashi as a whole, what about him? He was the one that had to sit and watch by as his eternal partner worshipped and flaunted another. Did that fact totally escape his notice too?

“The dreams, the memories… everything you spoke about, I’ve had. For a long time, I would dream of a faceless person, but eventually, I saw them.” Once more his gaze had shifted to the raven, but Mibuchi hadn't moved any from his static position. “It was you, Reo.”

He continued to watch his beloved for any sign that his words were piercing through, but was disappointed when he received the same peeved expression. Crouching forward on the edge of the bed, Eikichi began to wonder if he ought to leave, to allow the words to sink in on their own. Maybe if he wasn't sitting right in front of him, Reo might actually consider them.

“I believe you.” Nebuya raised his head, shock radiating through him. “But that doesn’t mean I have to accept it. I want the freedom to be with who I want, not tied down by some silly legend that claims it knows my destiny.”

For years, despite all the obvious roadblocks to reuniting with the one he loved, Eikichi had managed to keep some small measure of hope alive. There were so many things that could change, and at any time, Mibuchi might be his to pursue. Perhaps he'd even stupidly thought that just because he'd worked up the nerve to confess that the man would fall at his feet after hearing they were mates.

Clenching his eyes shut, he wasn't sure what emotion he should let rule him. His agony or his frustration. They were equally potent, but neither would be helpful because his hope had been extinguished.

"I care about you a lot, but I'm sorry. I don't owe you anything. What we have is as natural as me being with him, and it's better that way," Reo narrated, soft voice sounding incredibly foreign to him in his charged state. "You're my friend because I like you, not because someone told me we had to be friends. You can't force a bond like that, and you definitely can't make someone fall in love just by demanding it."

It was then when he felt something in him snap. Despite how hurt he may have been by the words, Nebuya was furious. After all he had endured, after how he was terrified to confess to him, he had done so, and this was how he was repaid? Once more, the raven was steering the topic back to his relationship with Akashi, and if he was going to use that as his guiding example, then so was he.

Truthfully, he didn’t wish to upset his soul mate, but he had already struck the first blows, and he was sick and tired of hearing about how everything came down to another guy.

“Or it has absolutely nothing to do with that stuff.” Reo’s brow elevated, arms crossed as he waited for the other to continue. “I’ll tell you what I think. You’re so hung up on him that you refuse to see what’s right in front of you. Refuse to believe it might be right because you’re afraid you’ll lose your precious Akashi.”

The raven’s jaw descended, but only for a split second before it snapped close, his expression molding into one of infuriation.

“How dare you speak to me that way! What business is it of yours what I do with Sei-chan? Just because you were my partner in the past, that means nothing to me. Sei-chan is my partner now, and that’s all that matters. Nothing else does.”

“It does matter.” His voice was resolved, and he wasn't going to hold back. Not when he was confident that he'd targeted what Mibuchi truly feared. “You know you’ll never be secure in your relationship because you know he’s not the one. I am.”

The kindle in Reo’s eyes vanished, replaced with a wavering guilt, but his expression still remained sour. He jabbed one hand toward the door, ignoring the solemn and quiet male beside him.

“Please remove yourself. I believe you've said more than enough for today.”

Eikichi ruefully surveyed the pain coloring his mate's features, feeling a tug at his heartsrings that would surely only nag at him later once he was able to cool down. But he wasn't sorry. He'd said what he'd been wanting to get off his chest for ages, and maybe, just maybe, he'd shaken Reo's perceptions enough to make a difference. It might not work out in his favor, but brutal honesty was the least he could provide in this situation.

He could only hope that it hadn't cost him everything they'd built up to that day. Because it already was beginning to impress upon him that what little they'd had wasn't something he wanted to live without.

 

* * *

 

Tapping his fingers against the ledge next to the taxi's window, Mibuchi hummed softly, mind whisking through a myriad of topics. There was the question of what he'd do for the upcoming holidays, whether he'd go home to spend it with his parents or celebrate elsewhere.

But that was a minor concern, and as much as he acknowledged he had bigger fish to figuratively fry, the topic was the perfect weight for that moment. He didn't want to be distracted by irritating group assignments in his lab courses, the pressures of beginning to think of a thesis topic, or even the one fateful development that had recently transpired.

It was bad enough Ei-chan and he were estranged now after what had happened. As bewildering as the cause of their fight had been to him at the time, he rather missed the man's company.

Just the other day he'd forged ahead and experimented making a new ganache, only to recall that his preferred taste tester wasn't really speaking to him. Or when he'd carelessly twisted his ankle running errands around campus that no one was there to sound his complaints off of, or fetch him ice to press against his leg.

And it wasn’t that he couldn’t carry on perfectly well on his own. He could, better than most people. After all he’d always been the responsible sort, the kind that his peers would flock to when they needed help or wisdom. But the conclusion Reo was forced to come to was that it was a huge relief to have someone who was there for you, so that the burden wasn’t always yours to hold.

As a friend, Ei-chan had fulfilled that role wonderfully, to the point where he supposed he’d grown reliant on him for such things. Only he didn’t quite realize that until now.

When he could, and  _if_  he could, Mibuchi wanted nothing more than to smooth everything over with him. Then again, Nebuya had been incredibly adamant about his feelings. He couldn’t discount the possibility that he’d wounded the man so deeply by rejecting him that he wouldn’t grant him his forgiveness.

It was strange, because he couldn’t remember ever seeing him that earnest, pleading. Ei-chan had two operating methods – strong and silent, or loud and in your face. The latter he mostly saved for games, or for one of their perennial bickering matches.

But that time he’d been hurt, confused, and wavering between resignation and still having some fight left in him. He’d argued back and forth artlessly, prodding again and again at every small insecurity Reo had ever bared to him about his relationship.

He knew that Ei-chan was serious, and if he was being honest, he didn’t doubt that in a past life, they were soul mates. He’d be willing to bet that part was completely true. After all, they were best friends now, and best friends connected on a deep and special level as much as lovers did. Did all that have to mean he absolutely  _had_  to end up romantically entwined with him in this life, too?

Face creasing into a frown, Reo glanced out the window, letting the storm in his mind continue to rage as the scenery blurred by.

None of it mattered – he already had someone he was involved with. He wasn’t about to throw those years and those memories away just because Nebuya had confessed to him several years late. Frankly, even if he was single, it wouldn’t be that clear cut.

As much as he’d chattered on about the legends surrounding soul mates, he found it more a diversion than something he believed in for himself. It was too well-documented not to be real, but if you took a good long look at everything, Mibuchi thought it brought more harm than benefit. Too many people got caught up in adhering to those labels, and too many ignoble people used them to prey on others.

But Seijuro was different. There was something about him to Reo that stood out amongst everyone else. Perhaps it was because he admired his determination, his spirit, the way he refused to admit defeat and see something all the way through. And yes, at times, his sweet gestures that left the raven’s heart a fluttering. It didn’t matter if they weren’t soul mates. He knew that Akashi was the one for him, the only one, despite what Ei-chan had said. Soul mates may have been fated in their past lives, but it didn’t mean they had to all exist in the present.

The engine puttered to a stop as the cab reached its destination, and, looking around outside, he noticed with a grin that the one he'd be dining with was already waiting out front.

Gracefully sliding out of the back seat and handing over his fare to the driver, Mibuchi then made a beeline for the other male.

"Sei-chan!" he called happily, lodging his hand on the redhead's shoulder in greeting. "Thanks for doing this, it was a good idea in the middle of the week. A refreshing change of pace."

More so, it rekindled his hopes after the less than successful weekend getaway they'd shared.

There were thousands of explanations why his lover might have been out of sorts on the trip, but the fact remained that he was, and it was something they'd planned for a while. He'd been pretty disappointed with the outcome.

They'd managed to get in plenty of sight-seeing, but with how Seijuro had side-stepped anything romantic, they might as well just been buddies on a trip together, not partners. This lunch wouldn't cure that, but it was hopefully a good first step, and might even be the first token of an apology on the other's part.

Akashi glanced at him with an unreadable expression, softly responding, "It's not such a large thing."

"It's still a nice gesture."

The younger male nodded perfunctorily and then turned pensive for a moment before returning to their conversation.

"How are you feeling?"

He'd wound up calling his lover the other day after the incident with his ankle. At the time, Akashi had seemed distracted, probably due to the fact that he was participating in some sort of group project for his own courses. They hadn't had much time to talk about it, barely a second or two before he promised to see him the next day for lunch, so Reo was surprised he remembered that detail at all.

"Better."

“Do you require any assistance? You can use me for leverage to walk, if that would be helpful.”

Reo gusted out a small laugh, eyeing the other from top to bottom before making his remark.

“I’m fine. I took care of the worst of it yesterday. It barely bothers me today. Besides Sei-chan, I think we’d make a pretty funny spectacle if you were dragging me into the restaurant.”

"As you wish," he conceded. "I’ve reserved us a table in one of the private dining rooms. I have something I want to talk to you about.”

From there, he guided the two of them to the back of the restaurant. During the course of the walk, the raven was mulling over potential topics. After all, if this didn't turn out to be an "I'm sorry" lunch, he had plenty of questions he'd like to ask the redhead of his own.

Once seated, Reo took the spare moments to gaze around. The place was nothing short of pure elegance, like Seijuro himself was, and the atmosphere in the eatery brought an overwhelming sense of tranquility and quiet. His gaze shifted to the glassy heterochromatic orbs that were staring down at the menu, fingers drumming along the silken tablecloth.

“This is a beautiful place.” His smile was luminous as he continued to scour the room. “It was a good choice, Sei-chan.”

Akashi only inclined his head in response, his eyes occupied with the writing in front of him.

Shrugging off his lukewarm reply, Reo bent to the task of choosing his own entrée. His partner was rarely one of many words, so it wasn’t usually concerning when he was tight-lipped. That was, if he wasn’t already suspicious about how their trip had gone, especially since this was the exact same behavior he had been granted the past weekend. It would all depend on how much he was willing to talk once there wasn't the excuse of the menu to contend with. Maybe his fears would be allayed, but it was equally likely they'd be built up higher.

“So.” He endeavored to brainstorm a way to charge forward to the main topic. “What did you want to discuss with me?"

Once more, his lover plied him with silence, right before changing the course of the conversation entirely.

“What would you like to drink, Reo?”

He tried not to pout at the sudden misdirection. “Huh? Oh, the oolong tea is fine.”

Placing the order, Akashi politely informed the waitress they were still browsing the menu, and dismissed her for another few minutes. Noticing the demeanor of his boyfriend, Reo tried to coax him into the topic that had brought them here.

“Sei-chan. What is it you wanted to talk about?”

The redhead erred on the side of hesitant, his heterochromatic orbs swirling anywhere but toward the other male’s wondering expression. Finally, he heaved a sigh, gaze now locked on the raven.

“Reo, there is no easy way to say this… but to be fair to you, I must say it.” His eyes closed briefly before they were unveiled a second time. “I would like for us to separate.” His gaze shifted, refusing to look at the solemn yet bewildered expression. “You see, I have located my soul mate and I wish to pursue them.”

A crack resounded throughout the quiet space, but Mibuchi wasn’t sure if it was the menu dropping from his hands and hitting the table, or the personification of his heart crumbling from within.

No, this couldn’t be. Everything was supposed to go well during this date, he was going to hear what happened on the trip was a misunderstanding, and that Akashi wanted to explain and express his apologies for it. The hollowed pit inside him magnified, and suddenly any trace of appetite he had was gone.

Composing himself, Reo swallowed his heartbreak, trying to steady his tone as much as he could.

“You can’t mean that.”

Akashi’s expression didn’t alter, though his eyes seemed to hold a tinge of regret in their mismatched depths.

“I’m deeply sorry, Reo. I do. This decision has been something I've battled with for weeks, but I feel it is for the best. Knowing the identity of my mate is isn't a fact I think I can ignore, and I would feel especially guilty to have those thoughts of them in my mind when I'm supposed to be focused on you.”

Gathering the shreds of sanity that barely lingered, Mibuchi quickly racked his brain for anything that could counteract this sudden decision. Any logic, any emotional display.

“I know we’re not soul mates,” he spoke in a whisper, his usual vibrant tone low and mellow, “but I don’t care. I really like you, Sei-chan. We’ve already been through so much. I’ve seen you at your best, and I’ve seen you at your worst. I’ve always been there for you, haven’t I? And you’ve always been there for me.”

Seijuro’s eyes closed briefly, as though he was trying to conceal something, but before he could decipher the situation, they emerged once again. 

“I acknowledge that completely, and I am eternally grateful for it, but you know how weak I am when it comes to the subject of love, Reo.”

He tried not to cringe. That was indeed the truth. That Akashi had precious little of love growing up ever since his mother had passed. His father wasn’t an affectionate person, and chose to treat his only son as though he was a trophy more than an actual child. But over their time together, he had hoped he would be the one to show the scion what real love was, that he would be the one to finally give him all the caring he lacked from his childhood.

If only that were the case.

“Therefore, I can’t ignore this lead," Seijuro continued earnestly, "This could be the opportunity I have been waiting for, and I can’t discard it without a care.”  

Now he was sure the next noise he heard was his heart, or whatever remaining fragments of it were left. Reo swallowed thickly, hoping it would somehow compose his shaky voice. He wanted to project that he was strong, that he could walk away without anything so much as a tear, but he knew that wasn’t possible. Not when his feelings for the redhead were genuine, when he thought they were a perfect match and connected so well. He'd given him so much of himself that he was truly fearful that some parts he'd never get back.

"Oh, but I'm fair game for that, am I?"

His crowning nerve snapped, the dam he had suppressed began to collapse, especially when he noticed Akashi was still staring with that same infuratingly blank expression. With the last of his dignity, Mibuchi pushed out his chair, rising to full height before slowly turning on his heel. He couldn’t let his now ex-lover see his state. He had to be defiant to the sorrow coursing through him, even though he knew that at the first opportunity it would consume him whole.

Where had everything gone wrong? Everything in the beginning had been so perfect. There were even times – with how stubborn the boy was- that Reo had gotten him to open up, and that was how he learned more about his childhood and his past, but this. This was a blindside. While it was true that Akashi had little experience in love, what made him think that simply because he found his soul mate he would receive the affection he had lacked for so long? The affection he himself had tried so hard to give him!

He didn’t understand why people were so hung up the whole soul mate scenario.

Why did that have to be a rule, or predicted who was considered the best person for you? Even if it was  _destiny,_ there had to be some flaw in it, some mistake that would generate a loophole. Anything that would expose that it wasn’t as fated as people claimed it to be. Even he, who had only recently retold the tale as though it was some sort of fairy tale. But it wasn’t. Reo didn’t believe in some nonsense like that when two people who weren’t destined shared a wonderful and open bond.

Why did life need to be mapped out? Why couldn’t someone choose who they wanted simply by falling in love organically? He had thought it possible, but he had just been proven wrong in the worst possible way. 

And now all he had left in his possession was doubt. Was his theory really that untenable?

 

* * *

 

' _This is hell,_ ' Reo thought as sunlight crept in through the blinds, the visual antithesis to the turmoil raging within him. The nuisance shone boldly, urging him to surrender to the fact that at this hour, anyone in their right minds would already be out of bed.

Grousing to himself as he revolved beneath the covers, he felt there really ought to be a different standard in play following a breakup. The last thing he desired to do right now was show his face in public, make his usual rounds around campus, and potentially walk straight into the blooming of a new romance between Akashi and whatever brat turned out to be his soul mate.

Although he wasn’t at the exact point yet, to where he could still stomach witnessing Akashi with another, Reo didn’t need to see otherwise. Perhaps with time, he would overcome that obstacle, but if he attempted to now, he’d any put any chance he had of reverting back to the role of Sei-chan’s friend at risk.

Despite the tough times they had been through, he still did admire the redhead, and he’d be devastated to lose him altogether. Even if he had been crushed by their seperation, he could never completely abandon Seijuro. They had been through so much, even before they had decided to take their friendship up to the next level. His lips soured as he recalled the day he had returned from their last outing, and when Nebuya had suggested he perform his own reading to allay the fears he had then. At that time, it had seemed ludicrous to even consider.

But what of now? Did he truly have anything to lose if he decided to trust his fate in the deck that had never failed him, at least when it came to figuring out others?

Wrinkling his nose in self-disgust, he snapped a hand over to the night table, quickly retrieving the bundle before slamming the drawer closed once more. It was then that he lifted himself into a sitting position, smoothing out a flat space on the mattress in front of him to lay everything out. It went without saying that he had to be desperate to have come this far, but ultimately it was the only thing Reo could think of to alleviate some of his melancholy.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he muttered as he began to ready the cards.

While this was something that always managed to lighten his spirits, the reason for this reading was going to do anything but that. Continuing to shuffle the deck he had counted on for so long, Mibuchi allowed all of his positive energy to course through the desk. He paused, laughing caustically. What positive energy? He was almost certain none of that existed right now. Still, what did he have to lose? There were no other options, and at least this reading would provide him somewhat of a guide to what his next steps should be.

Satisfied with his sorting, Reo plucked the first one from the deck and tried not to laugh at what he uncovered.

“Of course it would be this one, but that could be a simple coincidence. I’m thinking too much into this.”

Convinced that was the reason, he resumed the task of freeing the second card. One glance caused his confidence to sour, and he quickly threw it back down onto the bed. This was unbelievable. Surely the next few weren’t going to follow the path the two others had?

By the time he reached the fourth, Reo could feel his patience ebbing away. He wanted to assure himself the reason for the results was because he was doing his own reading. That there were many mistakes when it came to reading one’s cards, and he could easily have been falling into one of those traps. But the fact the cards fell in such perfect order to shape the unexpected, diminished any hope that the prior was the truth.

Frustrated, and with a low growl, he grabbed what remained of the deck and flung it across the room, watching as it collided with the wall and rained down in parts of his room. Staring down at his hands and then back at the crumbled deck, he rushed to where most had fallen, horrified by his actions, and quickly recovered them, turning over the first card that had been plucked from the floor.

And released a loud scream.

Resisting the urge to kick the deck aside, Reo flopped back down onto his bed, glowering up at the ceiling. Perhaps he had performed the reading incorrectly, since, after all, he was doing his own reading, and it was his emotions that got in the way. That would be a logical explanation for what the cards had revealed to him.

But that reasoning would only make sense if he had asked them if Akashi and him were fated, not Nebuya and him. For he knew he yearned to be with Seijuro more than anything. Yet he hadn't been granted the answer he hoped for. They had indicated another presence in his life as his future.

“There has to be a mistake,” he sighed, “There’s no possible way.”

Combing slender digits through his dark mane, Reo tugged harshly on the silky locks. He inhaled deeply, nosily releasing the breath in the form of an annoyed sigh. As he attempted to sort through the myriad thoughts, he found himself growing more frustrated by the second.

Looking back on his previous relationship, Akashi had been so attentive to him at first, but there had always been something lacking. He just didn’t know then that it would result in the hell he was enduring now. Naively he had believed that he could circumvent the draw of the soul mate bond, that he and Seijuro were on the same page regarding that matter. That he wouldn't be tossed aside when it manifested for the redhead.

Mibuchi's thoughts switched to Nebuya, surveying his characteristics.

Compared to Akashi, he was a complete oaf. Disgusting in eating habits, horrible at keeping anything clean, and by god, did he lack several table manners, if he even had any. But he did have a kind heart and a wisdom about him many people disregarded. That much Reo knew. Anytime someone needed a shoulder to cry on or a few words of motivation, Eikichi was always there for them.

It was far from the only positive quality about him, but it was the feature that burned the brightest. If he gave himself much time to reflect on the others, then his decision would only grow harder, given how reluctant he was currently to accept that they might make a good match.

Unconsciously he found his musings advancing to what it would be like if they deepened their bond. What it could have been like in their past life when it came to romance, going on dates, and even locking lips with one another.

Reo cringed at the mental image that immediately sprung to mind. “...He probably tastes like meat.”

Shaking his head to whisk the thought away, Mibuchi attempted a different approach. He was being overcritical, but it was hard not to be with how bitter he felt. Yet according to his cards, no amount of pouting was going to change what fate had in store for him. Was it really as terrible as he was making it sound?

Lots of friends became lovers, it was a natural occurrence, and usually formed the strongest connections. Together, Eikichi and him had their own good times, sometimes he could even say they were closer, but since he had never considered him an amorous light, Reo couldn't fully decide.

Eikichi was certainly a striking man who cut an imposing figure, and his character was refreshing as well. The raven had already established that they had a strong companionship, so what else was there to mull over? Love rarely followed a specific formula though, a bit of magic was needed for it to thrive, and he was still uncertain how they would evolve in reality.

Going back to his earlier strategy, he buckled down, recalling one of the numerous times they'd hugged - mostly after Nebuya had come to him seeking advice. Stepping into his past shoes, the raven recalled the feel of the other male's arms around him, the force of his embrace and the warmth of his skin. It had always been satisfying, hugging Ei-chan, and you couldn't help but to feel secure, swept up in those rippled arms.

Curling into the succor of his covers, he felt color creeping up his neck as his thoughts once more took him for a ride.

It was reasonable to think about though, right? If they became a couple, at some point they would be intimate with each other, and if things didn't click there, well, a lifetime could wind up seeming like a life sentence. Rather than trepidation however, he was more disposed towards curiosity. He wasn't blind. He hadn't somehow failed to notice that Nebuya's musculature was beyond reproach, how full his lips were, or the exact shade of blue his eyes gleamed. Physically attractive wasn't even the question here.

Clenching his hands around one of his pillows, Reo grimaced. He was really going to get himself into trouble if he kept charging ahead with that train of thought. Already he could feel the faint stirrings of interest coming to life inside him, snaking through his chest and causing blood to pool in areas it definitely shouldn't.

_Bzzt. Bzzt._

His ears perked at the slight rustling on the bed beside him before clueing in that it was his phone. Reaching for the quivering device, he accepted the call and was immediately greeted by an explosion of volume.

"Reo-nee!" He jerked the phone away from his ear to mitigate some of the loudness, a brow already raised at his friend's euphoric tone.

Contrary to his usual flippant behavior, Hayama had been nothing but sympathetic to the fact that he didn't feel like being social, and had gone out of his way to let Reo have space. The only time they had communicated recently was when he'd dropped by to deliver a half-burned batch of cookies and check in on him. From there he'd kept matters between them quiet. What could be transpiring now?

"Yes?"

"I have like, the best news. You don't have to worry about me any more because guess what?!" Kotarou rattled off breathlessly, pausing pointedly after asking his question. He could only begin to fathom the answer, as the hyperbolic 'best news ever' could refer to anything under the sun in the other's esteem. Chances were, he was safer just letting him fill him in and then reacting to whatever it was.

"...What?" Reo could only sigh at how unused his own voice sounded, how pitiful, most likely. 

"Those dreams you told me about, I found out Miyaji-san has them! About us!"

Pursing his lips, he struggled to absorb the discovery.

Fundamentally, his companion's lover had always needled at him for a few basic reasons. Chief among them being the fact that he never acted like he reciprocated the almost blind worship Kotarou eagerly granted him. He wasn't a part of their relationship, and could only comment based on what he saw on the surface, so maybe things were different behind closed doors. But it still rubbed Mibuchi the wrong way, especially when he knew how devoted Hayama was to him. Unless he saw some evidence otherwise, he'd continue harboring his doubts.

However, the joy in the blond's tone was unmistakable, and never on his life would Reo dream of trampling over it with his petty worries. If they truly were bonded, there was absolutely no way he could change that. Not when fate itself had spoken, even if he refused to accept a similar decree.

Sooner rather than later, he was going to have to confront his distaste and quash it. Perhaps Miyaji would even surprise him, but Reo wasn't too sure on that assumption. Evidently, he had concealed crucial information from Kotarou for nearly two years. Whether or not something along the line had changed in their relationship, Reo was unsure, but it still gave him a sense of hope that maybe he'd been wrong all along.

Clearing his throat, he hoped his reply wouldn't ring false.

"I'm... happy for you, Kou-chan. That's great that he's your special one. And you've been together all this time."

He then heard the slamming of the door in the background. "Yeah!" Hayama chirped, "Isn't it great? Anyway, I have to go now, Reo-nee. I'll see you later!"

And just as abruptly as he came, he was gone, leaving Reo staring at his menu screen.

Tossing the phone aside, he returned to his former moping position. His mood was at an all-time low, but hearing yet another close friend of his had secured his happiness was almost too much to bear.

Not that he wasn't excited for Kotarou, but soon he would be the only one left with that gaping hole in his life. And as long as he refused to abandon his feelings for Akashi, despite knowing it was hopeless, he wouldn't be healing anytime soon. But he couldn't, he refused to. Not when he was so in love with him, not after how long it took him to gain Seijuro's interest and successfully court him.

With a sigh, Mibuchi burrowed back into his pillows, repeatedly banging his head against them in exasperation.

He knew there was a chance he could be happy, that he had most likely discovered his mate, but that wasn't enough. Ei-chan was a good guy, but he wasn't his first and so far greatest love. He never could be, and Reo doubted he could ever replace Sei-chan's spot in his heart, despite what they may have been to each other in the past.

Time would tell if he was right.

 

* * *

 

The sun was radiant today, practically blinding, casting its eternal glow down on the students walking amongst the campus. After having not shown its face for weeks, after being hidden within thick, gray clouds that drenched the area with innumerous droplets, it had finally surfaced. The air was warm, wafting with a flowery scent as loose petals twirled throughout the area, decorating the still moist grounds. It was officially spring again. As if the many couples sitting under the blossoming trees, gazing lovingly at one another wasn’t enough to confirm that.

The whole scene only nauseated Reo.

Ironically, those gloomy and rainy days had brought him comfort. Comfort when he didn’t know where else to turn. For weeks now, his heart had been a whirlwind of emotions, miserably assisted by his mind that consistently badgered him with troubling thought after troubling thought. Ones he didn’t want to hear, but knew were the truth. A reality that had been weighing down on him for a month now.

Still, there were many puzzling emotions in his way. Ones that were preventing him from thinking clearly, ones that were reluctant to accept the truth about everything.

His bright eyes caught sight of two familiar figures through the branches, exiting one of the buildings together. The sight caused his heart to swell, both in joy and envy. Akashi led the brunet through the crowds, his eyes never once wandering, and his hand gripping the other’s securely. Reo watched in amusement as the brunet’s face flushed scarlet and he tried to yank their grip apart, no doubt delivering a round of protests on how Seijuro needed to not do that in public.

It still pained him, at times, to know Seijuro was happy with another who wasn’t him. But at the same time, as much as it hurt his pride to admit, he had never seen his previous lover - now friend again - glowing as much as he was now. It was as though the brunet had trampled over every shred of pain Akashi had, and replaced it with just his smile alone.  Something he himself had yearned for since the day he fell for his teammate, but now he knew he wasn’t the one who could bring a smile to his face, not like that.

Someone else could.

Perhaps, in its own way, the legend held value after all. Those who once believed they belonged with another had eventually down the line found out they were wrong, including him. He adored Akashi, and knew he could never forget the time they had together, and was happy to know he had him as a friend. But he could never have his heart. That was something he had learned to accept, and though he had a difficult time in doing so, he knew what he wanted could never be. That Akashi belonged with someone else.

And so did he.

The problem was, he was still struggling with that knowledge. He knew maybe in the past he was happy with Nebuya, but what of now? They were two different people from their past, things had changed. They would never be able to return to the same relationship they shared countless years ago.

Could they?

“Reo.”

He snapped from his trance when he realized Akashi was standing in front of him, the flustered brunet chained to his side. How long had he been sitting there, thumbing through his worries? He could only hope his friend hadn’t been trying to gain his attention for long.

“Hello, Sei-chan.” He smiled at the quiet male at his side. “And hello to you, Furihata-kun.”

Furihata Kouki. A kind and reserved teen, who spent most of his time reading or fiddling with model train sets. Someone Akashi had met during one of his new classes for the semester, around the time he began to grow distant with him. It was weeks after their breakup, after they had repaired their friendship, that Reo had learned who the brunet truly was. Akashi’s soul mate.

He remembered how bitter he had been when Seijuro announced he wanted to pursue them, how for days after all he wanted was to be alone with his thoughts, locked up securely in his dorm room, and not allowing anyone entrance no matter who had asked.

Vaguely, Reo could recall several days after their breakup when he had crossed paths with his former lover. He remembered Akashi’s forlorn expression, and how defeated he appeared. And though he was crushed about their recent division, Reo couldn’t stand to see him in such a state. Akashi was reluctant to admit the truth, and it took a bit of persuading on his part before he gleaned an explanation. Akashi was having a difficult time in gaining the brunet’s interest, and placed the entire blame on himself. Something that made Reo’s heart heavier than it already was.

“I’m a difficult person to love, I suppose,” Seijuro had sighed, tone lower than usual and laced with sorrow.

Despite how hollow he was feeling, Reo knew he couldn’t allow him to believe such a ludicrous thought, not when it was the complete opposite.

“No,” he had whispered, “The problem is you’re too easy to love.”

Seijuro had graced him with a bewildered expression, mismatched orbs awaiting a response, but the raven only smiled sadly. After wishing him luck and discarding that the redhead was still questioning why he had spoken such words, Reo took his leave. That had been the last time they had spoken, up until a week ago.

“Hello, Mibuchi-san,” Kouki replied quietly, “It’s nice to see you again.”

Reo watched as his friend grasped onto Furihata’s hand, entangling their fingers and causing a rosy hue to appear over the bridge of the shorter male’s nose. Eventually, Akashi had been able to obtain his heart's desire, and it had proceeded from there. Reo didn’t wish to ask what transpired from then; after all, it wasn’t any of his business. He was just satisfied to see Akashi happy once again after he had been depressed for weeks.

Once they had stitched up their friendship, Seijuro had introduced the two of them. Furihata was the complete opposite of Akashi, but he did have a certain adorable aura around him. Perhaps that was what initially drew the redhead to him. Their meeting was a bit awkward at first, but then as time went on, the tension had begun to ease, and soon the three of them were able to walk the campus together as though nothing had ever occurred.

All that needed to resolve itself had successfully done so in the end.

Reo frowned. Except for one matter.

**. . . . .**

Strange as it was, the closer Reo drew to the other's room, the more his heart refused to cease its tempestuous beat. It easily could be the nerves precluding the enormous leap he was about to take, but he didn't feel anxious. Incredibly, he felt hopeful. What waited around the bend could prove the start of a brand new journey, the beginning of something sacred, something he’d yearned after for quite a while now.

Briefly curtailing his enthusiasm, the raven paused in mid-thought. Nebuya's friendship always had been near and dear to him. It would be a new chapter, but the new chapter of an already cordial story.

They were opposites in a number of ways, but their basic traits were on the same wavelength. They made a good team when they put their heads together, and Reo trusted his judgment even when he couldn’t trust his own. It had been hard being without that companionship during the period following their argument. He didn’t want them to grow estranged again.

Now that his head was clearer, he could spot the gestures he’d thought nothing of prior, the evidence of the larger male’s feelings for him. Ei-chan possessed a fortitude he could never approximate for holding on so long, for being at his side all that time while keeping his affection a secret. Especially when that meant dealing with him in the throes of his infatuation with his former lover.

Reo winced as he recalled numerous times he’d probably rattled him, but Eikichi had handled it with an enviable grace. Patient, and indubitably valuing his happiness above gunning for his own motives. Frankly it was that caring nature that he could say he adored about the man. It was one of the reasons they’d been close up until this point. When they had first met, Reo had been unaware of that treasured feature, and had cast him aside without a shred of dignity.

He refused to admit that back then he was obstinate, and confessing so would probably be a little awkward, but he was now willing to give them a chance.

If the soul mate bond truly did exist, and was as powerful as he had witnessed, he had to bank on the fact it wouldn't be damaged simply because he chose to resist. And bank on the hope that Ei-chan still wished to be with him. They’d repaired their friendship, yes, but they hadn’t ventured beyond that. Not when there was still so much at risk. Because of that, he was clueless to how the other man would react when he approached him with a topic that lay untouched. Nebuya could easily reject him, just as he had done, and he would have no say in changing his decision if so.

Reo hoped that wouldn't be the case though.

Wrestling with himself whether it would or wouldn’t work was exhausting and irritating enough, but his limit had been reached. He had grown weary of seeing his close friends blissfully content now that they were with their appointed mates, while he was still solo and sullen. He  _wanted_  someone he could be passionate about, he’d always yearned for that, had been continually seeking that one divine connection.

That’s why he had been so determined to keep his previous relationship afloat. He’d had genuine feelings for Akashi before their separation, and despite some pieces not fitting exactly, he was so sure that was it. He’d convinced himself that whatever issues that they may have had couldn't outweigh the times when it felt right. And that Akashi reciprocated his feelings, despite the glaring – in retrospect – lack of evidence to support that. Seijuro did care for him, but not in the way he had hoped, not in the way he had him.

Reo had to be honest with himself; he wasn’t in love.

At least not yet, but now he was able to envision it clearer each time he thought about being with Ei-chan. If anything, he was the perfect candidate for him to fall in love with, as he was completely devoted to the people he chose to keep close. He would never desert nor intentionally cause him grief, that much Reo was certain of. Even if he had to learn that by the hardest of methods. If they indeed clicked as they were apparently meant to, he could only anticipate their future together. Would they spend the remainder of their lives side by side? Would they expand their family? Introduce one another to others they were close to?

He shook the thoughts aside. First he had to take that most vital step to see if that future even existed anymore.

Approaching the door, the raven stared at it as though it was the most terrifying thing in the world. He drew in a curt breath to steady himself, hoping it would somewhat ease his jumbled nerves. He was here, he was sure, and not interested in wasting time any more. There was no turning back now. He’d make his case, hope for a swift yes or no, and then he could move forward no matter what. Ei-chan was one to grant honesty, blunt answers, something he was hoping would be useful in this situation. Surely he wouldn’t fail him this time.

He raised his hand to knock, but then pulled back a second time. Remembering the other male’s typical policy, he cracked a miniscule smile. Well, it wasn’t his rule, so hopefully Ei-chan wouldn’t mind if he played it right back at him.

Pushing the door open without any fanfare, he crept into the room, glancing around to find it empty.

' _Hmm, was I too quick?'_ he thought, turquoise orbs darting towards the clock hanging on one of the walls. The time displayed there only confirmed his suspicion, causing him to heave a sigh.

Of course he would be forced to wait when his stomach felt more turbulent than the ocean during the swell of an autumn storm. He couldn't exactly argue that maybe he deserved this irritating fear. After all, he was the one who had rejected the proposal in the first place, but he despised the feeling of being uncertain. Hadn’t he already met his quota there between the relationship with Akashi and then Nebuya's abrupt confession?

The wait wouldn't last long though, but he was getting a tiny bit impatient. The other should be arriving back any moment, but Reo was sure by then, the wait would kill him.

Glancing around the room to try and take his mind off it, Mibuchi noticed the disarray, various clothes littering the bed and floor, books piled on top of the desk, and the bed hastily made.

Clucking his tongue in disapproval, the raven strode forward, pulling some of the discarded garments off of the bed and transferring them into the hamper. At the very least he could clear a place for him to sit while he waited. His fingers were twitching to set the rest of the room to rights, but he would refrain. The reason for this visit was awkward enough. He didn’t wish to make himself appear more foolish if Nebuya decided to walk in during the time he decided to suddenly organize his room.

' _Sei-chan was much neater, he never needed any reminders,_ ' Reo thought silently, taking a seat on the now decluttered mattress. Just as soon, he raised a palm to cover his eyes. ' _But I really should stop comparing them...._ '

On the other hand, if he reversed this observation, had Akashi ever really needed his assistance? Seijuro was entirely confident when it came to his personal affairs, a trait about him that Reo had always admired. But it was that confidence that had sometimes wounded his pride and produced a minor issue.

For whatever ridiculous reasoning he couldn’t understand, Reo yearned to be sought after. That others would seek his advice or assistance when needed, and for Akashi not to, made him feel as though he was expendable. In a relationship, Akashi and he were equal. There was no competition between them, no reason to try to make the other better. Neither of them had needed one another to lean on when they were able to resolve everything on their own.

He despised returning to comparing the two, but would it be different with Nebuya? Not when it came to tidying up after him, but more so on a personal, emotional level. They had relied on each other as friends, with Nebuya constantly seeking advice from him. It was those little things that made Reo feel wanted, as though he was helping in some way.

He wasn’t anything like Akashi, and knew when to admit he had a weakness or something was bothering him. Something Reo had to practically pull teeth with when it came to getting Seijuro to open up. He wasn’t certain, but he had a pretty good feeling it would be the complete opposite with Ei-chan.

Carding his fingers through his hair unconsciously, Reo wasn't sure why his chest suddenly felt so painfully tight. Life would go on if he was turned down; he'd always been strong, and he could get past the disappointment eventually. They still had their friendship.

Why wasn’t he satisfied with what he had any more? He had always been content with their friendship, so why did that have to change?

A creaking sound broke through his fretful haze, causing him to jerk his head up toward the source.

The reason for his anxiety had finally returned, but by his bewildered expression, Reo knew this was going to be more difficult than he had envisioned. Nebuya appeared puzzled by his presence, jaw slackened ever so slightly and one hand still resting on the door. His dark eyes met those of his mate, staring into the turquoise orbs, and causing Reo’s heart only to thump louder.

The silence between them was one of the most deafening sounds he had ever heard, and he could only hope he wouldn’t have to be the one to eliminate it.

"Did you-"

"Please, let me say something first," he cut across the beginning of the larger male's question, knowing instinctively that if he didn't, he'd lose his convinction. Already the anxiety burgeoning within him was beginning to morph into a paralyzing brand of fear, stymieing his words until he could only speak in the softest of tones.

Eikichi obligingly quieted, dropping his gym bag to one side as if indicating his full attention was being offered. Simultaneously Reo stood, rocking on his heels as he built up to what he wanted to say. It wasn't much, and it wouldn't be his most eloquent speech ever, but every word was vitally important.

"Do you love me?"

The other man only graced him with a blank stare, and it frightened Reo to see there weren’t any telltale emotions whirling in those eyes.

"Well?" he pressed, urgency creeping into his voice.

"I thought you wanted me to listen to something," Nebuya answered awkwardly, leaning against the door frame and crossing his arms over his chest. 

"That was very obviously a question, Ei-chan, and I don't think I can take-" the raven began, tone pitching towards slightly hysterical. Unbidden, his throat constricted, and he felt the prick of tears beginning to surface as well, only shaming him further. He hadn't even meant to blurt out that first question, and now he felt like he was going to implode if he didn't get an answer in the next few seconds.

Worst of all, he wasn't sure why his emotions were betraying him. He'd come here calm and collected, and ready to accept whatever fate had in store. He wasn't in love, so why had those words dared to come out of his mouth? He couldn't expect an answer if he wasn't ready to reciprocate those feelings himself. Right?

"We're soul mates," the other man began, but once more he felt himself rushing forward to interrupt.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean you do.” He was having a difficult time in controlling the trembling in his voice and realized Eikichi was eyeing him oddly. “Soul mates can exist and not love one another. Sei-chan and I did! You’re my soul mate, but I loved him! That’s why I’m asking you. Do you love me?”

The seconds ticked on, and the silence multiplied. Reo was staring at him, anxiously awaiting the answer, but none came.

His eyes lowered, lips trying to form their trademark scowl but it failed miserably due to how much they were quivering. Why was he so surprised? He should have expected this outcome. Especially with how he had treated his other half. Though, he'd harbored some spark of hope that maybe it wouldn’t come to this. But now that spark was completely diminished.

Exhaling deeply, Reo slowly composed himself, gaze finally leaving the floor to stare up at the quiet male before him. If he was going to be rejected, he would at least leave with dignity. Damn whatever rampant emotions he had lingering, he couldn’t let his heart or his pride to be wounded any more than they already were. 

“I take it this is your answer. I’ll take my leave then.”

He began navigating toward the door, but was stopped by a hand preventing him from reaching the knob.

“Wait.”

Charging ahead with his usual displeased demeanor, Reo’s eyes were narrowed. He knew he was being childish now by once more putting up a façade, but he couldn’t allow himself to crumble fully like this. He had never been one for weakness, and here he was hitting one after the other. His lips twitched, ready to counteract his mate’s impending response, but all that expelled from him was a gasp as he was tugged forward into the larger male’s embrace.

Those strong hands were then rubbing his back, soothing him in a way Mibuchi had never been soothed before.

Nebuya paused when he felt wetness dripping onto him and sliding down his skin. Carefully he pushed back, gently tugging the raven away from his shoulder so they could obtain direct eye contact. Reo’s bright eyes were misty, the evidence of his emotions reigning free still gliding down his cheeks. Raising a hand, Eikichi gently mopped them away with the pad of his thumb, before pulling the other male back into his arms.

“I’ve loved you every time we’ve met, so why wouldn’t I now?”

As those words expelled from the darker male’s lips, any control that he retained on his emotions vanished.

Reo collapsed into the circle of his arms, sobbing away the frustration, the anger, the loneliness he had experienced for weeks now. His cries only intensified when Nebuya had cozied him to his chest, once more caressing circles around his back to calm him. But he had lost the battle. His pride be damned. It was such a relief to finally be held the way he had yearned after for so long.

“Do... do you love me back?”

If he could, Reo would have laughed, but now was not the time. Instead, he composed his usual mask, lips pursed, though his watery eyes made the whole display look ridiculously comical.

“What do you think, you big buffoon?”

He refrained from scoffing, knowing just how oblivious his mate could be at times. And sure enough, Nebuya was gracing him with his usual dumbfounded expression, as though not a single word had sunken in.

With a sigh, Reo snagged a piece of the thin fabric decorating his torso and pulled him forward until their lips connected. The feeling was invigorating, and he had a difficult time processing how divine, how magical it felt. As much as he had adored Akashi, nothing could compare to what he was experiencing now.

It was moments later that they parted, the raven trying to locate his next words, but Eikichi beat him to that punch with a low chuckle. Irritated that his mate was taking humor in this, his lips pursed, eyes narrowing at the darker male he was still tangled up with.

“What, pray tell, is so funny?”

Nebuya paused, laughter diminishing. “Sorry for laughing, but I know something. Something that told me this was going to work out no matter what.”

The raven’s brow furrowed, unprepared for his lover leaning forward, and planting a light kiss on the tip of his nose, causing his skin to dye a scarlet hue.

“You have always been this stubborn.”

**Author's Note:**

> My comrade suggested this was the perfect theme song for Reo in the second half of the fic and since I almost died listening, [I'll share it with you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yl6Yyl7iZhs). It's sadly accurate lmfao.
> 
>  **UPDATE:** There is now gorgeous fanart for this story, drawn by [le-amewzing](http://www.le-amewzing.tumblr.com/). You can find the pictures [here](http://www.le-amewzing.tumblr.com/post/123736288653/yokaaay-so-last-week-i-read-this-amazing-nebumibu).


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